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Advice on Relationship with Chinese Girl - Meeting Mom and Dad


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#91 Starseeker

Posted 21 November 2008 - 01:44 AM

lol, sorry, GG, we got talking about other things and just kinda veered off the topic. :)

I think you missed some of our points, because given that response, I am not sure if you read the discussion I have with Jack here.   You seem to have picked 2 & 3 points that you have emotional issues with and just stopped reading.  (as for the sex, that's way off the mark there, my man, I think I made an entire opposite point)

Look at your own post there GG.  If you can read them calmly, half the time you are making excuses/rationalizations for Tina, the other half is trying to convince us (or yourself) that you are being rational and calm about this.

I'll listen to Methos here, even though he was bored and made a lousy Chinese pun.  :)

If you feel so strongly about it, marry the girl.  Like I have been repeating like a broken record, it's your life, you make your own decisions and you have to live with them.  As men, we assumed when you come to us asking for advice, you want advice and we put on our Mr. Fix it hat and tried to do our best given our experience.  But if you are just looking for emotional support, you could have said that in the first place.

Go with your gut, or the feelings incurred somewhere lower, and marry the girl already, so we can stop talking about it.  If it works out and your proved us wrong 4 years later, great.  If it doesn't, we can only say we told you so. :lol:

#92 GentleGiant

Posted 21 November 2008 - 02:59 PM

A lot got posted in a very short time, I just answered the bits I thought mattered most.

If I was just thinking with "down there", I would not marry her, she is not that good in bed!! Although I am hoping she will improve over time  :lol:

If I was thinking with "down there", I would marry Katja a beautiful 19 year old Russian student I am friends with; she is smart, funny, rich, athletic  and far, far too young. (Photo included).



My aim in coming here was to discover what cultural booby traps I might run into and what warning signs to watch out for, so the comment on them being quiet rather than saying there is a problem is one I will make a note of.

I think there is a big difference between the women you date in their home country, and the ones who move to another country with a partner, the latter are (hopefully), more open-minded and ready to face new challenges; they also tend to be more intelligent (the dumb ones all end up as sex slaves in Manchester, Bradford or Leeds).

And a bigger difference between someone you have a casual relationship with nd someone who set out from the beginning to find a life partner.

My final decision on marrying Tina will not be taken until June, so I have a long time to assess how things are going before then.

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#93 GentleGiant

Posted 22 November 2008 - 11:02 PM

I had a thought;
perhaps you think i am BS'ing and lifted a picture of a pretty girl off of the internet, so here is a picture of Katja with my son and I in Paris this July.

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#94 Genkaku

Posted 23 November 2008 - 11:35 AM

Are these pictures really necessary?

#95 MichaelMyers

Posted 23 November 2008 - 05:38 PM

Tight genitals that a finger won't fit, Russian teens,  :)  :lol:  :)

By the way GG,

The last picture can also be fake, you can just ask the girl to join you in the picture, however a video can be more convincing.  :)

Edited by MichaelMyers, 23 November 2008 - 05:41 PM.


#96 GentleGiant

Posted 23 November 2008 - 08:09 PM

Sorry, no videos, how about photos of us at Disneyland Paris, or Arromanche in Normandy?? Could still be photo-shopped I admit, and the quality is not good; that is why I ditched the Kodak and bought the Nikon before heading off to China.

The only photo I will not share is her entry photo for last year's Miss Pacific Ocean beauty contest; as far as I know, I am the only person who has the original, full size, full colour copy of her in her string bikini!!!! (other than Katja).

Would a family photo of her with her mum and dad help?? I am not in that  photo though, her mum doesn't like me  :lol:

#97 Jack Fancy

Posted 24 November 2008 - 12:48 AM

What the hell are the Russian pics doing in the Chinese thread..?  Are you subconciously playing the "show me" game..?  I already know about your dick size, you banging the Chinese girl and now your conquest with the Russian girl...

What the hell does this have to do with learning about Chinese culture..?

I don't think I can comment on this s### anymore... I don't understand the mentality of the mail-ordered bride in the first place, or internet dating and so my comment about actually learning this culture is pointless... You sounded sincere at first, sure enough naive, but now it's more like you just a place to air out your closet...

Good luck.

#98 GentleGiant

Posted 24 November 2008 - 08:18 AM

No Jack, I am just trying to show that I am NOT thinking with my dick, Katja is NOT a conquest, she is a friend, and has been ever since we met by chance in Moscow 3 years ago. (I was lost on the Metro and she helped me find my hotel).

What I was trying to show by posting her pictures is that IF I were thinking with my dick, I would be going for the teenage, beautiful (rich) Russian girl, not Tina.

As I say over and over (and over and over) again is, I would like SPECIFIC advice on cultural pitfalls and topics that need to be avoided or treated carefully, naive?? In what way??
I have been internet dating and specifically internet dating internationally for several years. I think I know the majority of danger signs when it comes to scams and con artists, it is the danger signals from GENUINE Chinese girls I do do not know, hence asking on here.

#99 Genkaku

Posted 24 November 2008 - 11:27 AM

It seems to me that Jack and Starseeker have done a good job of answering those questions you have.  

Your credibility began to fall apart when you veered off topic with the the pictures of some teenage Russian girl.  It feels like you are doing a little bit of boasting, particularly since you felt it necessary to supplement your initial claim with even more proof, despite the fact that nobody questioned (or cared) your first proof.

Stick with her for a year or more and make your judgment at that time.  A year at home will give you a much clearer vision of the future than your two weeks in a foreign culture.

#100 MichaelMyers

Posted 24 November 2008 - 01:18 PM

View PostGentleGiant, on 2008-11-21 16:59:00, said:

If I was thinking with "down there", I would marry Katja a beautiful 19 year old Russian student I am friends with; she is smart, funny, rich, athletic  and far, far too young. (Photo included).


View PostGentleGiant, on 2008-11-24 10:18:21, said:

, Katja is NOT a conquest, she is a friend, and has been ever since we met by chance in Moscow 3 years ago. (I was lost on the Metro and she helped me find my hotel).

19-3=16 right?

#101 GentleGiant

Posted 24 November 2008 - 10:11 PM

ERR, yes, so??

If you are wondering, she was with her mother and we exchanged email address's (at her request) after spending several hours together talking; I thought she was about 24, it was not until months later that I realised her real age.

We have had several failed attempts to meet in the last 18 months, she couldn't get a visa to visit here as part of her degree course, and a planned visit for me to stay with her and her parents fell through when she badly damaged her knee and had to travel to Singapore for surgery.
We met up in Paris at the end of a 3 month placement she had had in southern France and were planning to go skiing in the Spring, but she has had to have further surgery on her knee and it will be another 6 months before she is fit to do much with it; so I am planning a skiing holiday for the year after, Tina, me, Katja, my son and his girlfriend Sarah.

She is applying again for a visa to do some of her degree work here next summer, so if it succeeds, she will stay in my spare room for 3 months over the summer. (about the same time I am planning to marry Tina).

Does she have feelings for me?? Yes, some.
Do I have feelings for her?? Yes, some.
Do we both know the age gap is too big for it to ever work?? Yes!!

Whatever happens in my life, she will be a friend and her family will be part of my family.

Everything clear to everyone??

Meanwhile, Tina has all the documents that she needs from Huahua (Hunan province), and will return to Guangzhou in a few days; it will be good to get back to the normal 3-4 emails a day, instead of the 1 every few days that she can managed from there; I haven't even managed to talk to her on the phone, the signal is so bad, only texts are getting through.
Her relatives have just presented her with a Yuan Yuang quilt for the two of us, and she has visited the tombs of her grandparents for a blessing, as it will be the last chance she has before coming to the UK.

#102 GentleGiant

Posted 21 February 2009 - 11:41 PM

Well, assuming she passes her interview at the Embassy in about 3 weeks time, Tina will be arriving in the Uk in 4 weeks time. i have managed to find a flight with BA for less than £300 and as I will be at the airport anyway, collecting a friend, it seemed a good idea to move her arrival date forwards to the 22nd March; especially as I will have my son and HIS girlfriend staying with me, so we can make it a big welcome for her when she arrives.

This forum hasn't been as helpful as I would have hoped, but SOME of you did offer me good advice; in return, here is a little something for you; the UK government have just posted the latest fee increases for visa for the period 09/10

http://www.ukba.home...es200910wms.pdf

Good news for some, bad news for others; no increase on many visa applications made within the UK, but a 5-10% increase on most made from outside of the UK, and I spotted one that was about a 20% increase.

Tina has been more than a little frustrated at waiting so long, but the awful weather we had at the beginning of the month convinced me I had made the right choice; she would really have suffered in the snow and the ice.

Good luck to everyone in this current climate of doom and gloom

Ian

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#103 Stocky

Posted 22 February 2009 - 02:26 AM

Correct link is here:

http://www.ukba.home...sedfeesin200910

pdf file here:

http://www.ukba.home...es200910wms.pdf

#104 GentleGiant

Posted 22 February 2009 - 01:34 PM

Sorry, the buggers have moved the page in the last 48 hours!!!

Stocky's link is the current one; how long it will stay current is anyones guess!!!!

It doesnt say WHEN the new fees start though.

#105 MrFantabulous

Posted 22 February 2009 - 04:10 PM

wow.  How did you manage to get processed for coming to the UK so quickly? !  It seems you only first met her in person a few months ago.  Did you guys get married already?    If not what sort of Visa is she going to come in on???

Me and my Chinese fiancee are anxious to leave Beijing. .. but I figure it will be maybe 2 years before she can come back to Canada or USA with me. . .  We will get the legal marriage processed in May. . but of course she wants a ceremony. ...so I have to save up all my money and probably have the wedding ceremony during first week of October.. .  .    Luckily her parents are going to help me pay for it. ..  but still expensive for the rings and flight tickets to her city, photos, clothes etc. ..  !     From there I hear it takes about 11 months for Canada to process the "spousal sponsor" Visa.. .for her to go back to Canada with me.. .      a long process!  I don't really want to go back to USA or Canada so bad. . but I really can't make much money here. . . especially if I live in a smaller city in China.

#106 METHOS

Posted 22 February 2009 - 06:44 PM

View PostMrFantabulous, on 2009-02-22 10:10:20, said:

Me and my Chinese fiancee are anxious to leave Beijing. ..
- Fiancee? I must have missed something. When did this happen?
Is this girl, by chance, the 'clingy/suicidal' romantic?

Same with Mandrunk - all of a sudden he's married (or, at least he 'refers' to it as that). Either I've missed some pretty important threads, or people are being hush hush about their private lives - that are none of my business in the first place!  :doh:

#107 GentleGiant

Posted 22 February 2009 - 07:00 PM

The Uk is a "little" quicker than the US or Canada in issuing visa's, the current waiting time is about 3 weeks for an interview; it was up to 6 weeks last year, if you pass the interview the visa is stamped and off you go.

In theory you can have the interview in the morning and get on the flight to the UK in the afternoon; in practice, Tina needs about a week from getting the visa to finalise her affairs, hand over her apartment and send her effects on by surface mail.

Tina is coming in on a fiancé visa; I would have loved to marry her in China, so her parents and relative could attend, but the Uk restrictions on THAT make it difficult, you have to be "in country" for the best part of 2 months just to get the license to marry, THEN you have to deal with the Chinese bureaucracy.

That is still a lot faster than the US though; perhaps it is time they dropped the "Bring me your poor..." etc, and changed it to "Bring me your filthy rich, your football and film stars yearning to earn more".

As for how long it has been, I "met" Tina on-line nearly 9 months ago and visited her nearly 4 months ago, we call or write every day, sometimes 3-4 emails a day!!; cards, gifts and USB keys have gone backwards and forth, with music, photos and films on.

Phoning is not always easy, because of her job and the time difference we have no common leisure time to use, I usually call her at 6pm UK time, 2:30am Beijing time, which is when she hopefully has some time to talk as she shift is winding down at the karaoke club she works for. I cannot call her when I wake up as she is still asleep, by the time she wakes I am already at work and by the time I finish she has started hers.

The only good thing is that my phone provider only charges £0.05 per minute for calls to her mobile, so I do not have to worry about the cost of calling her, and my mobile provider charges £0.15 for text messages, so I can sneak into the toilet and send her a message when I want to.

#108 MrFantabulous

Posted 23 February 2009 - 02:40 PM

Yes Methos is the same girl who I documented all the drama with on here.   What can I say, we had many batttles. . but in the end  she won!     Usually I only post if I'm having a problem, in order to get advice. . not so much if things are going well.

In the end I've managed to settle down a bit.. and realize that even though she is far from perfect. . she does love me more than any other girl ever has or likely will.  It's just easier to stay with her than to leave hehe!




well let us know how her VISA interview goes.  Yes 1 week Vs. 6-11 months is a big difference.      Actually I'm wondering if I will have to go back to Canada or USA first and get a job before she will be granted her visa. .as it is a spousal sponsorship visa.

#109 GentleGiant

Posted 23 February 2009 - 02:45 PM

She won? or you let her win?

When they flutter their eyes and give a sad pout I usually cave in as well!!!!

I suspect the difference in waiting times is because far fewer people want to come to this rat infested hole of a country.

#110 METHOS

Posted 23 February 2009 - 07:46 PM

View PostMrFantabulous, on 2009-02-23 08:40:25, said:

Yes Methos is the same girl who I documented all the drama with on here.   What can I say, we had many batttles. . but in the end  she won!     Usually I only post if I'm having a problem, in order to get advice. . not so much if things are going well.

In the end I've managed to settle down a bit.. and realize that even though she is far from perfect. . she does love me more than any other girl ever has or likely will.  It's just easier to stay with her than to leave hehe!
- That's awesome, man! Good for you! - Yeah, she's crazy...but she's crazy about you.  :doh:



Quote

Actually I'm wondering if I will have to go back to Canada or USA first and get a job before she will be granted her visa.
Thinking of settling down in the US? I'm actually considering the opposite these days - I keep thinking about getting the heck out of here and hopping over to Canada.

Good luck to the both of you - and congrats!

#111 teruchan

Posted 01 March 2009 - 10:38 AM

View PostMrFantabulous, on 2009-02-23 22:40:25, said:

In the end I've managed to settle down a bit.. and realize that even though she is far from perfect. . she does love me more than any other girl ever has or likely will.  It's just easier to stay with her than to leave hehe!

The great thing about clingy, suicidal romantic girls is, at least, you know they reallylove you and will never leave you. Fair price to pay I'd say. :doh:

#112 TizMe

Posted 01 March 2009 - 02:07 PM

Until you've had enough and decide its time to leave.
Posted Image

#113 MrFantabulous

Posted 01 March 2009 - 02:25 PM

@ Methos,  Canada is also getting dragged down with USA.  When i first came to China the Canadian dollar could buy 7 RMB. . .now it can only buy 5.5 RMB.. .   The US dollar has stayed stay around the 7 RMB mark.    Anyways it was in my favour as I had to pay back my student loan in Canada while earning RMB here in China.  Paid it off!  

@ previous poster:  As for my dramatic, suicidal girl.. . . well time will tell.  But I won't be like 90% of the male foreigners in their 20's and 30's who come to China, get a Chinese girlfriend, pop her cherry,  and then abandon her when they get tired of China or want to go get a real job in their home country.  Though the tradition is fading.. .  still most Chinese guys want their wife to be a virgin.  That's why lots of Chinese girls expect the foreigner will marry them after they've lost their virginity to them.  It's backward. . but it's deep in everyones psyche here.


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