Thai Woman = Good Wife?

I'm a little confused. Nearly everything that I read about Thai women is portrayed in a negative light. There are so many stereotypical presumptions about Thai women and although some of them may be warranted/justified based on individual experiences etc., I find it hard to believe, like any society/culture, that such stereotypes hold true for the majority and/or are the rule.

As a single man that has never been married, hates even the idea of cheating, divorce and dishonesty etc., and is looking for that special woman and life-long partner, what advice can be given in regards to Thai women?

I know that there are a handful of OE members that have chosen a Thai bride for marriage; surely, you don't believe that your wife is anything short of awesome? Surely, you believe that your wife is faithful and trustworthy etc.? Did you always feel that way or did you initially have doubts? -I'd like to hear about it. I'd like to know about the good qualities that are obviously existing among Thai women, yet, we rarely read/hear about.

Do you recommend marriage with a Thai woman? If so, why? For those that are married to a Thai woman, what are your thoughts on the matter? How has your relationship been thus far? Any regrets?

Any other advice/comments?

Thanks.

I recommend that you marry a woman you feel is awesome, simply because she's awesome. Doesn't matter if she's Thai, American, Vietnamese, British, Afrikaaner, Nigerian, Brazilian, or a even a Kiwi. If you're out looking for a wife, you're sure to get screwed over somehow, by any nationality. And pipe down, Yohan. There are, occasionally, men who are happily married to a European.

Dr. Hobb's seminar is complete. Books are on sale to your left as you leave the auditorium..

As Sandy said, I married my wife because I loved her and thought we'd make a good team, not because she was Thai. I wouldn't recommend anyone marry someone because of who rather than what they are, just find someone you're happy with.

I agree with the good Doctor.

I didn't marry my wife because (or in spite of) she is Thai.

METHOS, on 31 August 2009 - 08:58 AM, said:

Only Thai women?
What about Thai MEN? Everything what we read about Thai men is also portrayed in a negative light.

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I recommend you to marry with a Thai woman, IF YOU intend to live in Thailand.
I recommend you to marry with a Filipina woman, IF YOU intend to live in Philippines.

I recommend you to marry with a Japanese woman, IF YOU intend to live in Japan. etc. etc.

By my opinion, it is the best not to take any woman to a foreign country far away.

In general, Asian countries are not biased against men concerning legal issues, therefore marriage/children is not a risk for a man like in Western developed countries. Yes, why not to marry in Asia a local woman IF YOU really want to live in Asia.

In all Western countries I recommend any man to remain single/without children. It just does not make sense to start with a family life.

I can be honest and say that I am attracted to Asian women and that the idea of marrying an Asian woman is nice. However, that is not why I started this thread.

But, the more I think about it and read through the responses, the more I realize that it was a poorly written post on my part. I don't really know what I am asking. I guess I was wanting to know if the stereotypes surrounding Thai women are really true, or if the information that is so readily available is just a reflection of Farrang/BG relationships; specifically with respect to infidelity, honesty and true love vs. true need etc.

But, as I said, the more that I think about it, the more pointless this thread seems to me.

On another point, as a white, American male looking to marry, my options are poor and/or unfavorable here in the States. Even the laws surrounding marriage and children are not in my favor. So, I see no problem with looking for a wife in SE Asia (or the like). In fact, in my case, it is ideal. If my future wife is initially attracted to me because I am an extremely attractive, white man, I have no problem with that. If she, one day, tells me that she was planning on marrying a white man no matter what, I would have no problem with that either. -It doesn't matter to me. -As long as she sees more than a bunch of green dollar signs...

The fact is, there are good and bad girls/people everywhere - in every country. At the same time, however, people are often times very different depending on where they grew up and how they were raised. The dynamic of a relationship can vary greatly depending on the nationality of each person.

Yohan - I am sure that Thai men are also portrayed in a negative way. However, I want to know the truth about Thai women. I don't plan on marrying a man...

I agree, for the most part, if I live in Thailand, I will probably end up marrying a Thai woman. If I live in Japan, a Japanese woman. If I live in the States, well, I don't plan on living in the States - and I certainly don't plan on marrying a woman and bringing her back to the States to live - no way.

METHOS, on 31 August 2009 - 08:58 AM, said:

One of my brothers married a Thai woman in Australia and she seems to be a great wife – generous, loyal and puts up with his drunken crap but is assertive enough to push him around when he needs it. And she’s still attractive in her late 40s. When my father went over to visit her family he was treated like a king. The idea is to marry women from good families who will keep them in line, as opposed to bar whores.

hobbler, on 31 August 2009 - 09:06 AM, said:

As regards the tiny percentage of Western women who are not obviously vile, repellant monsters, they compare to people bitten by zombies in horror films. Sure they might seem OK and will claim they are not going to turn, but it's really just a matter of time. The thing to remember is that women really have no character to speak of – not even any bad character. Hence without any external authority keeping her on the straight and narrow your bride may be capable of seeming nice for months or years. Then when circumstances change she will happily drive you to bankruptcy, jail and suicide and think nothing more of it than putting a dollar in a coke machine. To even consider marrying one of these undead ghouls before there is a radical change in government policy is insane.

METHOS, on 31 August 2009 - 11:49 AM, said:

I think the stereotypes reflect the views of the many foreigners who got involved with a rural Thai woman (i.e. those with a more traditional mindset), often a bar girl, without knowing her very long, without knowing much about her culture, and expecting her suddenly to think like a Westerner because Western values are clearly superior.

Although I didn't agree with the whole book, Thailand Fever gives a pretty good idea of what to expect in terms of culture clash. Basically, you need to get established in the country, get to know the language and culture, and get to know what would be expected of you as a husband. Don't assume your wife would want to move overseas. And IMO, it will be easier if you marry someone at roughly your own level in society. If you work as a banker, will you really have much in common with a farmer's daughter?

METHOS, on 31 August 2009 - 11:49 AM, said:

1 -
The truth is easy: There is no general rule about Thai woman living in Thailand.

Thai women are too different from each other. Before you make any decision, you should meet several Thai women personally from several regions and out of various social status and compare, who is fitting your ideas of a Thai wife.

You should also consider your own ideas, what do you prefer, living in a city or in rural area?, divorced woman with children acceptable or not, etc.

What are your expectations?

2 -
It seems you are on the right way...exactly my thoughts. What is not clear to me, is why you focus on THAI women, and not on Chinese women or Cambodian or Mongolian women etc. etc. Why Thailand?

hobbler, on 31 August 2009 - 09:06 AM, said:

I wonder, why Hobbler always singles me out....???
Did I say something in this thread about EU/UK trash grrls?

Cornfed, on 31 August 2009 - 12:15 PM, said:

Oh, yeah....

No focus on Thai women, per se. I was just curious about the stereotypes surrounding Thai women and if the experiences of OE members that are married to a Thai woman are contrary to those stereotypes. I also ask about Thai women because I may end up living in Thailand and because I know that there are a couple of OE members that have married Thai women - thus, giving many, good perspectives on the matter.

my marriage to a Thai woman is in the category of its own..

METHOS, on 31 August 2009 - 11:49 AM, said:

It sounds like you already answered your own question.

If you Google 'Thai Girls', the first page that comes up is a gogo bar. You're never going to change the way Thai girls are perceived overseas and if you try, you'll just get frustrated. As long as there are legions of lonely men meeting prostitutes in bars, marrying them and taking them home to Norway... there will be people in the canteen gossiping about Olaf's Thai wife screwing the neighbour...

... and as long as there are legions of horny, good looking young westerners coming to Thailand with the idea that all Thai girls are easy, you'd better keep looking over your shoulder if you don't trust your wife. I'll always remember sitting in the BigC food hall in Lad Prao last year. There were a couple of horny young bucks from the west, it's easy to spot the new arrivals or tourists. There was a middle aged woman sitting alone and eating, she was real hot, great taste in footwear. One of the bucks plucked up the courage to go and hit on her and I observed discretely. I couldn't hear what he said but his body language was all wrong for the setting and this woman was real shy. He handed over a scrap of paper and I guess it had his phone number, or something, and then left. The smile didn't leave this woman's face all the time I was there and I bet she was smiling for the next week, such a young man showing an interest in her. I guess different women have different reactions and perceptions to these crazy farangs. Recently, there was an interesting article on this subject published in the Bangkok Post: The Fever of Love

I found my wife (or did she find me, hmmm, I think she found me) in a hotel reception, where I was staying for a month to assess Chiang Rai as a place to live. I was instantly attracted to her. I used to work on my notebook in the quiet reception area, well, pretending to work while I watched her work. She would hover around pretending to do something near me, pretending to shuffle magazines on the table. Neither of us had the courage to strike up a conversation. We just observed eachother for a couple of weeks, smiling shyly occasionally. Eventually, I told the hotel owner that I wanted to visit the White Temple, just outside Chiang Rai... and lo, who should volunteer to drive me there?... Reception Girl! ... now were married

I honestly think she's the best wife in the world. I don't really need to elaborate on that, she's just a good fit, is able to put up with my mood swings and has the same agenda as me i.e. we both want the same things and have the same goals. It helps that she's read extensively about my culture and tries to accommodate that. It also helps that I've already had a long period in Thailand and know the terrain. I had disastrous relationships early on, most of the problems caused just because I was clueless about Thai girls and how they think (and vice versa).

I prefer the family system here and what's expected of a man. My mother in law treats me like a son. I have a brother in law in Japan that I've not met yet. He asks about me, what do I eat etc etc and mother tells him 'Mandrunk fixes everything, don't worry, he repaired the brickwork on your house this week'. I contribute what I can and try to be a good family man. I think my family approve of me.

If you're fresh off the plane, I think the best you can do is stick your nose into a copy of Thailand Fever as cam mentioned. It's not an instruction manual for Thai women and I also think it gets a few things wrong... but you'll be much better prepared if you read it.

Thanks for posting that, Mandrunk. That is a really nice story. I can only hope to meet a woman like that.

I wonder, do Thai women automatically assume that you are a sex tourist if you are a Farrang? -Or is this another stereotype? I wonder if this causes any problems (e.g. constant reassurance) for legitimate Farrang/Thai relationships (the fact that there are so many opportunities for infidelity/temptation)?

I've been meaning to read 'Thailand Fever' for some time, however, I hate paying for things.......I know, I know. Anyway, I guess I'll have to check it out since I keep hearing about it.

METHOS, on 31 August 2009 - 02:39 PM, said:

Everything depends on situation. If the woman knows you are working in Thailand, or on business here or are dressed like a businessman, she won't assume you are a sex tourist. If you are a 2-week tourist dressed in jeans and you hit on her in a restaurant, she probably will. The whole idea of a guy hitting on a girl in a public place is pretty alien to Thais. The thing to do is somehow get introduced to the girl or find a way to assure her you are not here for sex. I've been having lunch with Thai females half my age for two decades and never got any funny looks - because of the way we are dressed, body language, and probably the fact that they are obviously Bangkok Chinese-Thais. But I do remember getting insulting remarks aimed at girls I was with back in the 70s as a backpacker, usually from Isaan guys and spoken in Lao.

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A lot of Thai women are very jealous, a legacy of their insecurity from centuries of legal polygamy (plus 7 decades of illegal polygamy), according to academics. Jealousy (whether she is overly jealous and how to handle it) is something you have to resolve before you get married, IMO. No use marrying a jealous woman if your work involved entertaining clients and staying out late, or if you intend to continue hanging out in bars with your mates.

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you got this wrong man! most fob farang think every girl they walk by is a fck potential.

I'm sure, chingy_. Based on what you said, and what cam said, I'm beginning to think that approaching a Thai woman is going to be more difficult than I had imagined. It seems as though you will have a better chance at meeting a genuinely good woman by way of friends/acquaintances in Thailand...

...that's good advice. Thanks.

I agree with Stocky and TizMe. I married my wife because she is the only girl I have met that I felt compatible with and could imagine spending the rest of my life with. Nothing much to do with nationality.

Sometimes I get the impression that some Western men come to Thailand and form relationships with sex workers or rather ill educated girls from rural areas. They probably wouldn’t marry or date a prostitute or village girl in their own country so not to no one’s surprise except their own, it doesn’t work out. But then they make wild generalizations about Thai girls. The fact the girl is a prostitute may be more of the issue than the fact that she is Thai.

Regardless of nationality, research has shown that marriages are statistically more likely to last when both parties have similar educational backgrounds, moral beliefs, and life expectations. This is the key.

I think so too, Andiamo. That, coupled with a woman that is mature - in the sense that she communicates her thoughts/feelings without an emotional episode and works with you (and not against you) to resolve any and all issues.

METHOS, on 31 August 2009 - 04:07 PM, said:

I would say through friends/acquaintainces, work colleagues/contacts, regular contact (I keep seeing a young farang holding hands with a girl in a Bumrungrad Hospital uniform) or possibly even the Internet if you go about it the right way.

METHOS, on 31 August 2009 - 05:07 PM, said:

Well, a LOT of Thais tend to act on their emotions rather than logic and almost all of them are reluctant to discuss their feelings or matters concerning feelings. That is a major difficulty. If something is bothering them (male or female), they are more likely to sulk or act weird than talk about it. Farang women with Thai boyfriends report exactly the same thing.

Right. In fact, most women are like that, cam - in my experience. That's why I see that kind of maturity as a great thing to find...very lucky/seldom, actually.

Edited by METHOS, 31 August 2009 - 05:38 PM.

Andiamo, on 31 August 2009 - 04:16 PM, said:

This is a joke, right?

Can you provide any link/reference for this claim?

Something must be wrong with such research, as countries, which are totally into equality and are offering the best education and fair choices for both genders, like Sweden, Finland, USA, UK etc. are showing up with the worldwide highest divorce rates.

Btw, interesting to notice, that exactly these men from these countries are showing up in 10000s in Thailand, Philippines, Latin America etc. after their divorce and are willing to try out 'a relationship with a totally different girl', who does NOT have a similar educational background, different moral beliefs+life expectations.

Andiamo, on 31 August 2009 - 04:16 PM, said:

We cannot blame these Western men, they do not know it better.

The Western propaganda is producing these wild generalizations - especially in USA - and tells them, all rural Thai girls are very very poor and have no other chance to survive except as a bargirl/prostitute serving foreign sex-tourists.

A recent thread in this forum about a church ministry presents us a statement that it is possible for Thai parents for the profit of about USD 12,- to sell their daughter into prostitution.

There are even Westerners in THIS forum, who are claiming that nonsense to be true. There are even Westerners obsessed to rescue Thai prostitutes.

In their own Western countries, mostly located within the EU, of course, such arguments about 'helpless country girls' are not accepted as a valid argument.

Therefore a prostitute in Switzerland, 16 years old, doing her legal job as a sex-worker is considered to be a prostitute and not a helpless child, who must be rescued (yes, 16 and not 18 and there are 1000s of them).

Germany has about 500.000 sex-workers 18+ and nobody cares, as they are considered to do this legal work out of their own choice for good money (and of course NOT for being rescued into marriage).

Of course, if you come to Thailand, grossly misinformed by the Western feminist propaganda machine, and you are facing all these Thai bargirls the first time after your bitter divorce in Western countries, you might be - again - very very much disappointed. Your money gone, your Thai girl gone too. Let me say, the usual story.

It's easy to cheat Western men, if you are a nice looking Asian girl, I think.

METHOS, on 31 August 2009 - 08:58 AM, said:

Well, this is an absurd question, if you marry somebody, she is, whatever the nationality

Bluecat - well, it was more of an obvious statement than anything else.

However, don't you think that there is some validity to the question? I mean, with all of the horror stories and reading about pua noi's and mia noi's being so common (more so than most western cultures), an uneducated/inexperienced person (like me) living in Thailand is going to have a tough time trusting anyone until he/she learns what to look out for. Until you are able to learn about Thailand's people and their culture, and learn how to spot the red flags etc., I think the first (maybe first couple) of relationships that you are in are going to be difficult.

Maybe I am wrong - as I can only base these ideas off of hearsay and what I read online.

I'm not someone that thinks western ideals are superior. But, I do think that cheating is wrong. I welcome other cultures/cultural values while ignoring some of my own (as anyone should do in a cross-cultural relationship); however, when it comes to cheating, I cannot tolerate it on any level.

Are pua noi's not that common in Thailand? If so, great! If they are, what can be done to avoid these adulteress women? What should you look for and/or how can you tell? -Maybe this is another dumb question...I don't know. I would love hear everyone's advice on the matter.

Thanks.

METHOS, on 01 September 2009 - 06:02 AM, said:

Be it in Thailand or anywhere else, the concepts of trust and trustworthyness do not apply to women. A woman is just a uterus with legs and a mouthhole. To expect her to refuse what she perceives as quality sperm when she is ovulating is like expecting a duck not to eat breadcrumbs you feed it. The idea is to marry someone from a good family who will constrain her behavior, marry in a society where the people and/or laws are in your favor or marry where the woman can be made to disappear if need be.

METHOS, on 01 September 2009 - 06:02 AM, said:

Well, Methos, I think, you have a little problem to jump over your own shadow.

All these cheatings etc. of both, men and women, are very very common in Western cultures, but done in hiding - while in Thailand and Japan etc. it's much more done openly.

All and everything, what is a reason for complaining by Western people against Asian countries, is mostly coming out of christian churches, feminists, do-gooders etc. but all and everything they complain about is everywhere in the Western world existing, and often even much stronger than in Asia.

I give you some examples, like paternity fraud (quite a lot of Western fathers are thinking they are fathers but they are not), or false allegations for a lucrative divorce, or child misuse/mistreatment by clergymen, and of course prostitution (Germany has over 500000 sex-workers, totally legal) and pornography (USA the market-leader)...and child-prostitution (but in Switzerland legal age for sex-workers is 16, and there are 1000s of them...).

All what you say, you cannot tolerate it on any level, you will find in the West and nobody is complaining....just considering it as more or less 'normal' - when arriving in Asia, suddenly it is not so normal anymore, because it is done more openly, but otherwise I see no difference at all.

Maybe you can solve all these problems about cheating by women etc... but only if people are forced to live exactly like the hardliner Islamic Talibans, but again, this is not exactly what we men want to do with our women, even not Men Rights Activists like I myself....believe me.

Solution: There is no solution, you will have to live with all that, a part of our life. And for me it's still better it is done more in openness than in hiding.

I didn't come to Asia looking for a wife - I came because I was posted work-wise. India first, then Thailand, then with a change of employer, Singapore. One reason I was posted as opposed to some other guys is that I was single at the time - single expats are cheaper in the first place, and (obviously?) more likely to get hitched to a local chick and then commit long term to the region, which is what my first employer actually preferred.

Why MrsChaos - well she isn't from a comparable educational background that's for sure, although she is not stupid. But I think it's the age / life experience thing that counts the most. I had Thai girlfriends before who were 10 years or so younger than I was then (early 30's) - even the uni graduates were just so different (less mature) in their outlook that it just didn't do it for me, attractive and intelligent though they were. MrsChaos on the other hand is just 3 and a half years younger than I am and for me it made all the difference - I was pretty sure she was "the one" almost as soon as I met her...

Oh, the "good news about Thai female" shocker ... she's loyal, takes care of the house and the lad, takes him to school etc and makes sure he does his homework, is reasonably careful with money, and most important - doesn't bitch & moan if I go out for a beer after work with colleagues or clients. So, err, just like an average "good" wife or partner from any other country I would expect...

CC

Methos said:

A majority of horror stories, whether in Thailand or elsewhere, relate to marriages made in haste.

Marriage is supposed to indicate a permanent commitment to someone, to do that you want to be sure it's going to work out, and for that you need to understand both your partner to be and the culture from which she comes. If you're smart you'll undertake due diligence before investing significant capital, why shouldn't you do the same before investing a significant part of your life?

Thank you for sharing that, CC.

I always like hearing/reading good/positive stories about marriage. There's too many horror stories floating about these days.

Methos: The majority of us here are happily married to Thais. OE isn't exactly brimming with horror stories of marriages or relationships to Thais. Outside of OE, everyone I know who is married to a Thai woman, is happily married. The only place I've heard horror stories is from the internet.

Some of us are even happily UNmarried to Thais. I guess that's why we are The Intelligent Community - we were all smart enough to pick the right partner.