Expat ideas change when living in The Philippines

Hey...

I have been living off and on, mostly on, or in... the Philippines for the last 21 years or so.

When I first arrived I was shocked, and deeply pleased how such really pretty, sexy, young, smart, hard working... women wanted to talk to me. I was deeply flattered. At that time I was 39 and divorced for 4 years. I am not a very good catch as I am poor and disabled, but that was not a problem at all for these girls.

Who cares about corruption? I am there for a short time only!
Pinoy guys? why?
Poverty? too big a problem for any one guy and they mostly don't want my advise anyway.
racism? for sure! and I am the preferred race!

Oh ya. I want to live here! NO WORK no taxes just a little SSI and beach after beach.

So I moved.

For the first 2 years or so, I spent my time making friends with women mostly. I am not really the bar girl type. I met women in stores mostly. A wild ride for sure.

I married one and stayed in the PI.

Now things have changed lots for me. I was now taking care of another person. I was dealing with the government more. I was buying furniture, cars, lots for chxxst's sake. I loved my wife, still do. She did everything for me. I was suddenly a true king in my castle. After 9 years in this marriage and it failed, she confided in me in that she married me so she could go to the USA and failing that, I would put her brothers and sisters through college.

corruption? of course. but the big problem is that no local would trust me, so I could not pay!

Pinoy guys? ya I tried to make friends with the locals but mostly failed. It seemed to me that they were testing me out to see if they could take advantage of me and failing that, simply never came back. Lots of people on a first name basis, but nobody who you could ask personal advise from.

Poverty? so very hard to see the poor, daily. So very hard to see the terrible things that happen in their lives, that with just a little more cash, would not. I start to give money away.

racism? Sure, and not so nice. higher prices in the market, anyplace, anything where the price is not posted. People talking to my skin, not to me. 5 topics start every conversation (and have learned them in native language) all have to deal with being a "foreigner" (the color of my skin).

The last 10 years or so.

Corruption. I feel that every facet of life in the PI has in some way been corrupted for personal gain by the person administering it. From the hospital at birth, through the school system, collage, buying a job from the boss, getting social services, voting, getting through church documentation, getting police assistance, getting criminals prosecuted, retiring, and finally finding a place at the cemetery. It is wrong, WRONG, WRONG! And I am so tired of it.

But as a foreigner I am unable to address it at all.

Pinoy guys... Yes I have made some long term friends who speak English very well, who have international ideas, who drop by for conversation not beer or cash. Mostly though all of my friends are expats from various countries.

Racism? I am so very tired of people calling me a racial slur "joe" and thinking i will not be offended, at them making one remark after another about "my place". When I meet a person and they start out with "I have a friend in Oakland" I know it is time to just move on as this person will never be able to see you as a human rather than a "foreigner". I am so tired of thinking I must apologize for failing to live up (or down) to my stereotype. Even though I have good ideas for progress, changes for the place I now live, they are automatically discounted as I am "not from our place"

Poverty? I have a policy of giving a little every month. At least I am doing something. I see ways that things like building for example, can be done differently, and have tried to spread those ideas. Some successes mostly failures at the spreading.

I am disappointed that I can't work here. I have so much to offer.

I now have 3 kids, who have never seen the USA. I can't leave even if I could afford to. I see attitudes that I thought stupid and wrong showing up in my kids.

To me, moving to a foreign country is like getting married. The honeymoon, then time when you say to yourself "this is my life and I am going to make it work", then, the time when you say "this is obviously wrong and I am going to do what I can to make every bodies life better". That, here, makes you a meddler, an ugly American.

Abu Farsi

abu farsi, on 16 April 2010 - 10:18 AM, said:

Thanks for the honest account of your life in the Philippines. There is no country or place that is perfect or even very good for long term living. . . life will be a struggle in any place. But I can understand how the corruption and feeling of always being the outsider can lead you to the point of not being able to trust anyone. And that is not a nice feeling to live with. I started to see that in just 2 years in China. For most people you can only really trust and rely on your own family and maybe a few close friends. And that is not helpful when all your family lives on the other side of the world. Any foreign country will have it's honeymoon phase. . that's why I like to just travel or stay in one country 1 year at most, then leave before the honeymoon phase wears off.

I echo MrF's thanks. A pretty frank and honest description.

I try to employ this for people who migrate to Australia. If you look markedly different to most Aussies (i.e. Anglo Caucasian) you will always be treated differently.

Living in Asia you will have an economic advantage over most of the people you will come into contact on a day-to-day. The salary an ESL teacher receives for teaching at a high school or provate language school in China is on par with what an Assistant Professor at a university gets. And the laowai will have his apartment provided free, along with other perks.

The two-tier price structure is real in many, if not all, places. You just have to get used to it, I suppose, and learn to bargain as hard as you can. Getting bent out of shape over it will only give you an ulcer, or make your time there a misery.

You'll almost definitely be taken as a means to get someone something they can't get themselves by some you meet. Re-location to a western country for a whole family when you marry the daughter is probably the major one westerners will face, but it's certainly not the only one.

Even if you learn the language to become fluent in both formal and colloquial situations your skin colour will still have you on the outer. Not just anyone can uproot to a society that is quite totally different from the one they grew up in.

abu farsi, on 16 April 2010 - 10:18 AM, said:

Well, it seems, you had a nice time for at least 9 years - your 3 children never have seen USA, I wonder WHY this is a problem for you?

I see no reason why you cannot work in Philippines, if you have the correct visa, retirement/investment visa includes labor permit.

Disappointed? Well this can happen to everyboy, and not only abroad, but within your own country.

The perfect life? I could not find it in my own country with my own people - in Japan I am a foreigner for life I enjoy it, in Thailand I feel this is good only for my retirement and not much interested in contact with Thai people, and in Philippines I have no idea, what my Filipina fostergirl will think about me in 10 years, despite I give support to her every month since many years.

It's nowhere the ideal world. Don't expect people to be thankful.

This doesn't mean that I am not happy. Philippines is a good example, many adults and many children a few meters away from me have a much worse life than me.

You said you are disabled since so many years, yes I understand this makes it more difficult to be optimistic, but still... as you are in Philippines, look around and you will see many people, who think about you that you are still a lucky guy...

All the best to you!

yohan, on 18 April 2010 - 03:27 PM, said:

You are the tower of optimism! There are not enough jobs for able bodied Filipinos, and I am a disabled foreigner. Entering the job market in the field I was trained (civil engineer) has been very hard indeed. I was thinking I could give advise to local contractors, I have had some success recently, but, generally speaking no contractor here wants to know how "we do it in our place" even if the advise is designed for their place.


This doesn't mean that I am not happy. Philippines is a good example, many adults and many children a few meters away from me have a much worse life than me.

I REALLY hate this thinking. "At least I am not the worst off in the world, so I am OK". I have received a privileged education, perfect English (international language), access to the greatest/cheapest credit market on earth, far higher ability to simply reason than most, and a CHOICE to go to the USA as I like. None of my neighbors have this advantage, OF COURSE I am doing better than they are. But am I doing what I COULD be doing if it were not for racism, nepotism, and lets not forget, patriotism. A simple NO is the answer.

My complaint is that now I have a wife and 3 kids who can't follow me and go home (USA). I can't answer my distaste with an airplane ride because to do so is to leave my family. I have blundered due to a lack of long range thinking. Things/attitudes I had a gut feeling of dislike about at first, and before choose to ignore, are now my daily companions.

I am sorry, but I misunderstood a wide part of your posting.

I was thinking you have any visa problems and labour permit problems, and not thinking about that you cannot find any employment. It depends where you are living in Philippines of course, it was never easy there to find employment... plenty of jobless people.

I also misunderstood your intention about going to USA for your children. I was more thinking - like I did in my case - that my children will not go to Europe, but stay in Asia. Of course for you it might be a good thing, if some young family members can enter USA, overseas employment was always the sole answer of many Filipinos against poverty.

Yes, I am optimistic and you make me happy to hear that from you. I am sure, for you are also some possible ways to go to get out of some blunder as you said - same blunder might happen with you while in USA, too, we all make mistakes.

As you are the highest educated person of your family and US citizen, I think, it is the best if you really want to re-enter USA with your family, you go first - I do not know however about your disabled-status, if you can do that.

I think, you can rent a room, start with a job, and after a while you can ask children and wife to follow, USA cannot refuse your own children to enter the US.

Many Filipinos are working overseas with family members living in Philippines, and also important, how old are your children, if they are still in elementary, they better finish school in Philippines first, I wonder if it is really good for them to move out to a country they do not know.
Children can follow slowly one by one...not all at the same time.

Sorry, but my way of thinking is obviously rather different from yours. Two people have obviously two totally different opinions. I don't think USA is such a dream, what's so nice there? But of course, I am not an US-citizen.

But I think, there are solutions to your problem.

Believe me, a lot of Americans wish they had your problems!

For me, in Thailand, the first step was getting US citizenship for our daughter. This is a simple and inexpensive matter at the embassy and then your kids can decide to visit/live/work in either place. I don't think it matters whether or not you are legally married to your kids' mother, though you might have to prove paternity. Presumably your name is on their birth certificates. It's a good thing to do for your kids.

I have a rather finely tuned sense of conscience and great difficulty walking past injustice. Nevertheless, I'm pretty good at picking my fights. Yes, often this does make one a 'meddlesome troublemaker' but just grow a thick skin and smile away. The people who would call you a troublemaker are mostly envious that you're willing to fight for what you believe is right.

It's a lot of work but very satisfying to be doing something that raises everyone's standards. If you've lived in-country for a decade, you must know by now how to avoid personally offending people. Gentle but relentless persuasion and acting in the background making allies of locals works best rather than being a loud-mouth American.

Good luck, friend!

Ya...

I think you misunderstood my first post. I have been in the PI 21 years. I was married to my FIRST wife for 9 years there. One child who is today a dual citizen. She is approaching 18, and, if she does not go to the USA before her 18th birthday she will become a Filipino Citizen by default, or said another way, lose her US citizenship. I am now with another woman and have 3 kids who are all US citizens (dual).

The original post is quite interesting. I can understand why Abu feels that way, but I think much of it colored by his personality. Sure, the poor Filipinos are always looking for a way to get ahead. No, it is not solely dependent upon skin color. Rich Filipinos deal with the same problem of pricing all the time too. But I have seen Filipinos show real kindness to strangers (even one's named Joe) without a single peso involved.

I respect he has a lot of time here, more than myself, to be sure. So he has every right to his experience and views. But at the end of a marriage, the ex-wife can say hurtful things. They may be true, or partially true, or just barbed to extract the full amount of pain possible. That happens regardless of country, race, or religion.

Being offended by being called "Joe" is, well, an indulgence in ignorance. Some how, Abu missed the whole WWII thing with soldiers and sailors tramping all over the place and also the fact that the Philippines used to be a US colony, that he's a Kano whether he likes it or not, just like the natives are Pinoy. The term may have negative or positive aspects, that depends on the person using it.

If Abu is miserable in the Philippines, I think it is less the problem of the Philippines and more a reflection of Abu. He is, after all, a foreigner. If you think living here means you are not, then you are mistaken. You will continue to be a foreigner. How well that settles on your shoulders will depend on you.

Did the brothers appreciate their educations? Did they go to work and earn a living for their families? If they did, then there is nothing wrong. Abu helped his family. That is commendable. If they didn't, it still isn't Abu's fault necessarily, it is the brothers.

Abu decided to stick around and have a few kids. So apparently it wasn't all that bad. The embassy will get him home if he's broke, though he will find the price of the ticket deducted from his disability. He is probably living a somewhat better lifestyle materially here than if he stayed in the USA. Trying to make his disability payment stretch there is even harder than in the Philippines.

I see tatooish.

I of course posted on a topic that I find offensive. And I have a far better life in the PI than I had in the USA. It is part of my writing style that makes it appear that I am angrier than I am.

As I said before, I now have a social set, and a mental reference, almost solely based in the Philippines.

Racism is wrong. It is wrong even if the raciest person is ignorant to it's wrongs. I had no idea this would even become important to me when I first decided to stay.

I pity my neighbors. I pity people in the 3rd world. Poverty is horrible. Unfortunately, the reasons why people are poor are not as obvious as one might think. In my personal opinion, racism, is near the top of the list. Not as why most would consider, but raciest people agree that there it is proper to have special justice or treatment for different people, based on racial, tribal or family thinking. Philippines if full of it. And it offends or discourages people, good people, people who could help society, people who could invest badly needed capital and could implement proven international ideas.

You are completely right, I will never change the whole Philippines by ranting on a foreigner forum about "hi Joe". Even though I have lived in the Philippines longer than 50% of Filipinos, I will always be a foreigner.

But, I will never say that because people think I am a tourist, that I will do nothing to improve the desperate lives of those people I live with. I witness those troubled lives and it affects me deeply.

So, after being here so long, this is MY place. I am here so I am partly responsible for the way it is. Either for doing nothing or being inept in what I do do.

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uh huh... and when I call them back "hi monkey", they too are not supposed to offended? Both racial slurs popular in WW2. Racism is wrong, and if this is my place and I ignore it, I allow it to continue. Nobody who lives within miles of me ever calls me Joe any more. Agreed it is common in most cities, but I have had success, at least, in my place.

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I am for sure not miserable. But I am frustrated with the needless poverty.

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NO, I refused to help them. And it was a problem right through my marriage. My wife did not think it important to even discuss it before we married, as she thought she could get the job in the USA. But when she could not work in the USA it was up to me to fill in the gap of her promises. Truthfully, if I had known then what I know now I would have helped more. My wife kicked me out because I was unfaithful. I wanted to go back but she could not honestly forgive me, even though she wanted to, so I gave up.

abu farsi, on 12 May 2010 - 05:32 AM, said:

Hi, abu. I haven't read so many of your posts, so I am unfamiliar with your style. I will dial back my reactions for a bit until I have more exposure to your views and comments.

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I agree with you in general on this one. I am not sure I have the same feeling about how important it is. I see black men with girlfriends and wives. The fact that there is a preference for white skin might be less than perfect, but it is their preference and they get to choose.

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I guess I see "hi monkey" and "hi joe" on two completely different levels. If it bothers you to be called "Joe" then telling them not to is fine. It comes from the term "GI Joe" or "Just another Joe" which was how many servicemen referred to themselves and other servicemen during WWII here and in other parts of the world. I guess I do not see it as primarily racial but like "kano" (which came from "Amerikano") simply another term of reference that is not imbued with some sort of negative sense unless the speaker adds that in the context of their use.

As for being a tourist, well, you aren't. Neither am I. We are aliens. Not space aliens, just plain old aliens.

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Okay, you have my personal award for honesty here. Helping the family, as you now know, is a big part of the social make-up here. Any guy coming from where ever needs to know that, regardless if his name is Joe or he is a Kano or not. He can be Herbert and an actual space alien, he will still be expected to assist the family or put the wife/girlfriend in a situation where she can assist the family at some point.

I have listened to guys whine about that. Sometimes with good reason, if the ones they help only want a handout. But if they want an opportunity to improve themselves, then there is nothing wrong with it. I am helping a couple of brothers get college degrees and will, if I can, help them work overseas.

While the corruption is bad, it is their choice. Did you see the vote? Who came in second for President? Even after being convicted of corruption? So while the winner, Ninoy, hopes to fight corruption and I hope he succeeds, it is more than systemic, it is cultural, from the barangy up. I doubt anyone is going to remove it. And ultimately it is their country. They can, if they choose, run it like hell instead of the way we think they should. They were pretty adamant about that when they chose independence from the USA. They demonstrated that when they booted us out of our military bases here a couple of decades back. I think it was Quezon that said, "I would rather have a country run like hell by Filipinos than a country run like heaven by the Americans..."

Tatoosh, on 12 May 2010 - 09:49 AM, said:

'Hey Joe' - Racist term?

To Tatoosh, I love your insights.

Racism is basically believing that certain races are inferior to you. I do not think any Filipinos find you inferior.Most think you are some kind of superman. Also, unlike other Asians most are very happy to mingle with you socially and even sexually. You are not barred from places as in Japan where they have Japanese Only establishments, or as what happens in Korea. In China, I have heard news of people not even being admitted into the parents' house after they have been married to a Chinese lady- the parents' did not want the neighbors to see the White Devil enter their homes.
In Thailand, it is a routine thing for Thai ladies to be looked down upon when seen on the street with a Farang.
Not in the Philippines. And mixed kids here are well accepted.
It is a screwed up world we are all living in. I did not expect much from the Philippines. What good I have found here has been enough for me. I do leave periodically to "regroup" and recuperate but there are too many benefits for me to quit this place altogether.