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Are Thai girls really so bad in marriage?

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#31 kamikaze

Posted 30 December 2011 - 11:49 AM

Quote

being aware that she will not live in Thailand for good within the immediate future - her homesickness made her start to drink and get more and more agressive.
This is no surprise to me. You can "convince" a Thai with logic or persuade them by being forceful, and they may verbally agree (to avoid conflict), but it won't change their deepest feelings and it will tear them apart if it's a major disagreement. Be careful your wife doesn't develop clinical depression or become bipolar.

You don't seem to be short of money. Have you considered moving to Thailand and putting your daughter into one of the many international schools here? Sure, they are expensive, but foreign diplomats and businessmen are putting their kids in these schools prior to university overseas. The standards are high at the best ones.

#32 BlahBlahBlah

Posted 30 December 2011 - 12:04 PM

This should be a no brainer, if the Child has better opportunities in Germany, that is where the family should reside.

#33 kamikaze

Posted 30 December 2011 - 12:09 PM

No-brainer. Well, yeah, but it sounds like the wife is going to end up without a functioning brain...

#34 BlahBlahBlah

Posted 30 December 2011 - 01:01 PM

Anybody with any semblance of a functioning brain would put the needs of their Children above their own. Obviously I'm not calling the parenting skills of the lady into question, but I think she needs to take a bit of a reality check, life isn't just about what she wants it to be.

#35 frogblogger

Posted 30 December 2011 - 01:11 PM

View PostBluecat, on 28 December 2011 - 11:30 AM, said:

:D Do not be misled by the title of this topic. As Stocky said, quite a few long-term members of OE are married to Thai women and pretty happy about it.
Critics and complaints usually come from short-term or should I say, sometimes, very short-term members actually :whistling: :D
Well maybe I'm considered a short-term member, but mine was a bit of a disaster, for reasons previously given (wife's borderline personality disorder, won't bore you with the details again...)

View PostBlahBlahBlah, on 30 December 2011 - 01:01 PM, said:

Anybody with any semblance of a functioning brain would put the needs of their Children above their own. Obviously I'm not calling the parenting skills of the lady into question, but I think she needs to take a bit of a reality check, life isn't just about what she wants it to be.
To a considerable extent, the children's welfare depends on the mental health of the mother as well as the family's location.

#36 BlahBlahBlah

Posted 30 December 2011 - 01:22 PM

The mental state of the Mother is not going to influence the standard of education and health services available. But I do agree that the Mother is obviously the major influence on the life of any child. It's a very difficult and unenviable situation to be in, but given the choice of my Childs future and the needs of my wife, I know what I'd chose.

#37 Stocky

Posted 30 December 2011 - 02:49 PM

Yes 3B, but a marriage is a partnership, so you also need to consider what your wife's needs are. You can give your child a wonderful education but if the child comes home to an unhappy household ever day you'll just end up with a smart but unhappy child.

I would consider Kam's suggestion of living in Thailand and education at a good International School.

#38 ironloyalty

Posted 30 December 2011 - 03:25 PM

3B. What you said is true. It should be a common sense to settle down at the country where best of everything is available to the child. But sometimes things does not follow what we plan. You may read my early post on my own experience. As i said early, what we think is the way to be may not be the same as what your spouse think, especially for a Thai woman with certain funny weired charactaristic. You may already devise the best possible plan possible for your spouse and kid but your other half simply don't appreciate it. I had went through all this and God knows how long i still need to endure it.





#39 yohan

Posted 30 December 2011 - 03:45 PM

View PostBlahBlahBlah, on 30 December 2011 - 01:01 PM, said:

...would put the needs of their children above their own. Obviously I'm not calling the parenting skills of the lady into question, but I think she needs to take a bit of a reality check...

You know, Mr. 3B, Thailand is indeed such a 50/50 country.

Let me compare that with Philippines, a country I know very well.

This question will never come up, if the wife is an average Filipina - she will immediately agree, that in Germany it's better than in Philippines, and children will go just to an ordinary school in Germany, same here in Japan, even with Philippine couples, they try to move the children out of Philippines as this is the best way to their future. - Why? Because Philippines is a poverty place for ordinary people, if you can - leave, and go back only for vacation.

However, Thai and even foreigners are somewhat divided about Thailand. Is Thailand really so bad for a Thai? Consider climate, low prices, and Thai like to be in their own country...
There are foreigners too, married with a Thai woman, who do not mind to send their children to a Thai school, as public school is not so good, but there are many private Thai schools also.
Health care in Thailand is not so bad compared to Philippines (=pay cash or die early), criminality is not that bad compared to Philippines, public transport is not so bad compared to Philippines. etc. etc.

My observation did not change during the years here in Tokyo, MANY Thai people are moving back to Thailand and like to live in Thailand. So, if you are in Germany, EU national, you might find EU better, even for your child - but if you are a Thai national living in the EU? I am not sure...

What I have seen from friends in Canada, married with Thai women, living in Canada - almost all marriages are ending in divorce.

Canadian men retired in Thailand and Thai women living with them, some with their children out of wedlock - works out in many cases over years, no problems....

It should be a reason for that...

#40 BlahBlahBlah

Posted 30 December 2011 - 04:13 PM

I guess it poses the question, do Thai women ( I know I'm generalising) only make good wives on their own terms? As Stocky has already pointed out, marriage is a partnership. And as such, should any one partners particular need take preference over that of their spouses/Children. I also think the age of the husband could be a factor, if the guy is not of retirement age, there is no real choice but to stay in the country where the husband will earn enough money to keep the family in a acceptable standard of living.

#41 yohan

Posted 30 December 2011 - 04:47 PM

View PostBlahBlahBlah, on 30 December 2011 - 04:13 PM, said:

.....if the guy is not of retirement age, there is no real choice but to stay in the country where the husband will earn enough money to keep the family in a acceptable standard of living.

This is for sure a very good argument concerning Thailand.

Thailand's government does not really welcome foreign men without bringing money, it's difficult even if you have a Thai spouse to get a working permit, no healthcare either - simply said, to earn money as a foreigner in Thailand is not easy.

Other Asian countries are not like that, here in Japan, a spouse visa includes a general working permit and national health insurance. Philippines has not much to offer to foreigners, but it is easy for visa, the government is not complicated towards foreigners and it's also easy for shipping support into Philippines for yourself or for family support.
But other countries are even less supportive to foreigners than Thailand - Indonesia comes to my mind...


I found many Thai people to be rather ignorant of this fact. - They think as a Thai (not only women, but also men) - that the foreigner can earn much more than they do - even in Thailand. And there is the strange mentality often present, that the foreigner should pay for everything - without thinking about from where all this money shall come from.

Yes, I agree, if you are retired as a foreign man, alone, Thailand is a great place. But it is not a great place for every foreign man. - And finally, if you really like a good living standard equal to Western countries, Thailand is not cheap at all - maybe sometimes even more expensive.

#42 frogblogger

Posted 31 December 2011 - 09:23 AM

BBB - it's not really a subject you can make categorical statements about, with respect to what might represent the best interests of a child. Each situation is different. You wrote:

Quote

Anybody with any semblance of a functioning brain would put the needs of their Children above their own.

Yes, and this includes considering how best to arrive at a supportive, happy family atmosphere with parents that get on, raising a contented child. It not all about the material aspects of an upbringing, which might indeed be superior in the West. Plus another aspect to consider, the advantages in raising a bilingual child. Raising a luk krueng in the West often results in the child not learning too much Thai, as his parents will probably talk English etc together, rather than Thai, and eventually the Thai mother will lapse into English with the child herself, as it's easier. Raising the same child in Thailand, English is often the language of choice at home, while he will of course learn Thai at school, with his friends, and the extended Thai family.

After my wife and I split up when living in France (the daughter staying with me), I arranged to spend roughly half of each year in Thailand, half in France, where I speak to my daughter in English. Although she hadn't heard a word of Thai for 6 months before coming to Thailand in November, and she's only just 3 years old, she has pretty fluent (3 year old) English, understands everything in French, and her Thai, that she heard from her mum for a couple of years, is coming along well. It takes some organising - while in Thailand I still speak to her mainly in English, plus some French, she goes to a Francophone school, and has a Thai babysitter who speaks barely any English (as well as seeing her Thai family for occasional weekends and holidays). It's important to me that she maintains her sense of 'Thainess' - it would have been easy to stay in France, and bring her up there, but then she would have lost all her Thai, knowledge of Thai culture, and hardly ever seen her Thai family.

So while I agree that there are certain advantages in a Western upbringing, I feel that these (currently) are outweighed by other important factors. Other than financial reasons I don't see why this shouldn't continue as she continues her education in later years. Half the year in France, half the year in a Francophone international school in Thailand. With a bit of luck she will grow up genuinely trilingual.

Of course my circumstances are a bit unusual, but maybe some of the above is relevant.

Going back to the original topic, there are studies that do show clear differences in the number of separations/divorces between cross-cultural marriages and marriages with a fellow national. The figures for the former are significantly higher, reflecting all the various extra stresses and strains placed on marriages when one partner has to live in an 'alien' culture, where there can be communication problems, etc. Those stats are even reflected in relationship problems between different European nationals for example, where communication difficulties and culture shock are considerably less marked than between East and West.

Many Thais have little exposure, other than through Hollywood and MacD, to alternative ways of life, and Western culture. But that wasn't what caused our separation/divorce. Without her mental problems, which existed long before I met her, I'm as sure as I can be that my wife could have adapted to living in France. But it wouldn't have been easy, long-term. She abhorred Western methods of child-raising, the general rudeness and lack of respect of kids in Europe, and really couldn't understand the relative lack of close-knit family support structures. She was constantly commenting on the generally selfish, self-indulgent attitudes of the younger generation. Personally I've always found it easy to adapt to the Thai way of life, so I suppose relationships in my case stand a better chance of working in Thailand, than in Europe/France.

#43 yohan

Posted 31 December 2011 - 01:47 PM

View PostRempler, on 30 December 2011 - 10:23 AM, said:

P.s.: By the way, I want to explicitely thank YOHAN. I very much enjoyed all his comments at many places, and, in fact, I learned a lot from you !!!

Thanks a lot for your nice comment.

Happy New Year 2012!

#44 กำนัน

Posted 02 January 2012 - 02:00 AM

View PostStocky, on 30 December 2011 - 02:49 PM, said:

I would consider Kam's suggestion of living in Thailand and education at a good International School.

There's some great commentary on education going on here, although it's somewhat off topic, so I'd like to pick it up again in the following thread...
Schools in Thailand

#45 Rempler

Posted 02 January 2012 - 05:27 PM

View Postkamikaze, on 30 December 2011 - 11:49 AM, said:

This is no surprise to me. You can "convince" a Thai with logic or persuade them by being forceful, and they may verbally agree (to avoid conflict), but it won't change their deepest feelings and it will tear them apart if it's a major disagreement. Be careful your wife doesn't develop clinical depression or become bipolar.

You don't seem to be short of money. Have you considered moving to Thailand and putting your daughter into one of the many international schools here? Sure, they are expensive, but foreign diplomats and businessmen are putting their kids in these schools prior to university overseas. The standards are high at the best ones.

Well, you surely touch tow very important issues:
a) an international school would be a truly smart solution, but ... unfortunately - after 2 falang divorces (both from women, who made quite some career and earned at least as much as me - but they still manage to harvest the majority of my current income) - my budget restrictions do not allow for the "international school" alternative. I tried to negociate, but it didn't bring any effect to our calculations.
Thus - even after an "early retirement" - I do have to earn money (self-employed) - and this, as mentioned by some of you, would be kind-of impossible in Thailand.
B) A mild form of a clinical depression has already been detected by our MD and his final comment was just: "Poor guys, you're in a complete deadlock-situations", - I don't see any way out for the both of you.

At the end of the day I cannot blaim my wife for having two back-to-back plans: 1.) (as long as I live) trying to take good care of me, AND trying to SURVIVE in Europe; 2.) (after I'm gone [being considerably elder than her]) her "real" life will start ... as she will then be receiving 75% of my pension fund and get back to her huge family in the outskirts of Bangkok.

Quite some perspective and a good chance for her, to become happy in a few years from now, - but it is not at all a "happy outlook" for me.
The mutual love was reduced significantly by all those discussions, about "what is best", - which I led with a 75:25 load (brain : heart) while she discussed on a 20:80 ratio.
I guess it is most of all the endless love for our daughter, which keeps us together.
Don't get me worng: My wife has a sensational personality, a great character and all good attitudes which a wife can have,
but she underestimated the burden of a life in a Christian/capitalistic enviroment, and I was much to quick with my working hypothesis (at the time of the marriage) that in a few years we would be living in Thailand.

So the key reason, why I wrote this down, was just to be a bit of an eye-opener for those, whose fundamental decisions are still ahead of them.

View Postfrogblogger, on 31 December 2011 - 09:23 AM, said:

........... She abhorred Western methods of child-raising, the general rudeness and lack of respect of kids in Europe, and really couldn't understand the relative lack of close-knit family support structures. She was constantly commenting on the generally selfish, self-indulgent attitudes of the younger generation. Personally I've always found it easy to adapt to the Thai way of life, so I suppose relationships in my case stand a better chance of working in Thailand, than in Europe/France.

This is exactly what I experienced:
==> - ... rudeness and lack of respect of Western kids (in vast contrast to what we see in average Thai families outside of Bangkok) is driving them crazy
==> - ... they can't understand the relative lack of close-knit family [support] structures.
Their FAMILY means ALL to most of the Thai women and if they see that, in the caucasian world, relatives, at times, are not half as important as best friends, and mostly they don't even meet frequently (maybe just Xmas), then they feel abandoned and even more lonesome.
In my case, there is  ZERO family left, - everybody is dead already, and I can't create a "substitute family structure" over here.

#46 Bluecat

Posted 02 January 2012 - 08:44 PM

View Postfrogblogger, on 30 December 2011 - 01:11 PM, said:

Well maybe I'm considered a short-term member, but mine was a bit of a disaster, for reasons previously given (wife's borderline personality disorder, won't bore you with the details again...)

Sorry Frogblogger, was just a prediction on how long Benjalin was going to last on this forum

#47 ditr

Posted 19 February 2012 - 03:09 AM

I guess it is depends who you marry. I know my girlfriend for almost 4 years now. She still do masage to me every day 1 hour.

#48 ryderman3

Posted 19 February 2012 - 07:27 PM

i am not in any position to give any constructive opinion, however during my quest for knowledge on Thai life and the people, or more to the point my advancement with the language i joint a dating site and spoke to many Thai girls, from all walks of life.

And one conclusion i came to was that around 80% of girls on that site were looking to get out of the country, marry a farang and have thier husbands look afterboth them and thier family.Granted there were quite a few willing to work and support her family with her own money.

Dating sites don't really give any account on what the Thais are actually like and in part, not always trustworthy.... when a girl says she loves you after one 2 days talking, its time to take a step back...
Arethey just looking for a quick fix, thinking life in the west is all rich and rosey? I think that is what they truely think so when they come to the west they soon realise that life in the west is not what they dreamed it would be, so inevitabley homesickness kicks in and and divorce is on the cards..

Just to add , i took that site with a pinch of salt but have met a few female friends i intend to visit on my travels.... the select few i have given my time to, i have left my opinion opentill we get to meet in person and i see how they are in the real world...

#49 ditr

Posted 19 February 2012 - 11:18 PM

No 80 % av girl wants to have man with a money. They do not want to leave a country. They leave their country with farang husband beacuse he have to go to his country to work and make a money. Some of then think that europe is paradise. But when they go there, they realise that people in averange make a money: they pay food , roof over a head, and can travel 1 /2 times per year. Work 11 moths, free 1 month. That how life goes , they die.
They realise that the only thing they can do is have their privat busness ( work 10 hours , 7 days per week). Or apply for the jog toalett cleaner. If they have no proper aducation.
But now even to get a job as  WC cleaner you must be very lucky. Becuase Europe and USA go to hell with their economy. 10% av population in Sweden have no jobs. They live on 10. 000 bath per months + goverment pays for apartment. Some stay on 10.000 bath per months , many, many years.
Anybody wants to try live on that kind of money?

#50 yohan

Posted 20 February 2012 - 01:42 PM

View Postditr, on 19 February 2012 - 11:18 PM, said:

.....
But now even to get a job as  WC cleaner you must be very lucky. Becuase Europe and USA go to hell with their economy. 10% av population in Sweden have no jobs. They live on 10. 000 bath per months + goverment pays for apartment. Some stay on 10.000 bath per months , many, many years.

Anybody wants to try live on that kind of money?

It's a big difference if you live with that little money in Thailand as a Thai citizen or as an European somewhere in Europe - climate is a major concern, seasons with cold winter and this costs you a lot of money - also European countries do not offer a lot of nice communication among the people themselves. - I understand that some Thai women expected much much more and are disappointed and prefer to leave, back to Thailand.

#51 ryderman3

Posted 20 February 2012 - 08:20 PM

i think if i ever went down the road and marry a Thai lady then i would invite her back to the uk for a visit and then decide if that is what she wants, i think anyone with any sense would do the same, unless of coarse you plan to stay in Thailand then i suppose all is good..

#52 Ronaldo

Posted 20 February 2012 - 09:17 PM

I have read these posts with alot of interest as I myself have been married to a Thai girl for the last 10 years and we currently live in the U.K.When my wife first moved to England the first thing she missed was the food so we found a Supermarket that specialised in Chickens feet etc,problem solved.The next thing she missed was her friends and family which is completely understandable,this passed with time and she met some Thai girls at the shop that sells chickens feet and made some good friends.The first time she saw snow she screamed with excitement and was out playing in it like a child,she also really liked the winter fashion and wearing scarfs and boots,she loved the fact that it stayed light until 10 oclock in the summer and the change in seasons.I know alot of Thai Farang couples now and all of them seem to be really happy.When things go wrong it is not a problem with the culture or the fact That Thai girls do not like europe,it is normally a problem with the couple which of course can happen to any marriage.Another problem which is a no brainer is the 50-60 year old marrying a 20-30 year old,you are going to have an up hill battle before you have even started.I am 36 and my wife is 38(although she looks 10 years younger as they do) the age gap is small.I am sure there are plenty of older men that will tell me that it is no problem for them and they are happily married and good luck to you if you are but I can well imagine that many of these relationships will not last purely on the age difference,again not a Thai-Farang problem.

So my point is if you are thinking about taking the plunge with a Thai girl as long as you have spent enough time with her and you are honest with yourself that she is right for you, there is no reason you will not have a long and happy marriage,the fact she is Thai in my eyes is fairly irrelevant.

#53 ryderman3

Posted 20 February 2012 - 09:32 PM

@ ronaldo

I would agree with that.. my friend married a Thai girl he is 70 and she is 35, so half his age. now i am beginning to see signs in her.. She puts on a good front and i guess on the whole she is very happy  but the girl i met 5 years ago is not the same girl i see now.

The sparkle in her eyes have gone and when she is not being playful and laughing i can see she is not as happy as she lets on.. its not my place to ask so i just watch in silence, she goes quiet more often nowadys and to me it seems she is forcing herself to at best, appear to be happy, i don't know. Maybe i am seeing more than there is but like i said i have known her for quite some time now and she is not the same...

My friend treats her very well but he is getting on in age now and i have all the time in the world for him, i just think the age gap is beginning to show....

#54 britmaveric

Posted 20 February 2012 - 10:36 PM

Nah age has nowt to do with it when "love" is involved 30+ yrs difference between my grand dad and mum.  :D

#55 stumpy

Posted 21 February 2012 - 09:58 AM

My Lao wife is 25 years younger than me and we get along just fine.

#56 britmaveric

Posted 21 February 2012 - 10:19 AM

Myth young lads like to think in order to cope that some young birds prefer older lads! :P

#57 BlahBlahBlah

Posted 21 February 2012 - 11:21 AM

Different strokes for different folks. I'm not sure I could bump uglies with a woman 25 years my senior. In a way I'm rather looking forward to growing old together with Mrs BBB, especially now she has taken a keen interest in golf.

#58 Ronaldo

Posted 21 February 2012 - 05:33 PM

I knew the older gentlemen would take a defensive postion on my comments and I did say this is not always the case,but I still stand by this,would a 35 year old man go for a 55 year old woman given the choice,granted it happens but it is rare,all I am saying is it is a contributing factor to divorces between farangs and Thai Girls.

Believe me if what Britmaveric says is true then I am over the moon beacuse it means I will still be able to pull a tasty bird in 40 years time....cool.

The question I would ask any Thai girl with an older husband is "so what attracted you to your millionaire farang"

Just a bit of banter Gents before you get all serious on me.

#59 britmaveric

Posted 21 February 2012 - 05:45 PM

lol - i'm not old ronaldo.  (least I dont think 40 is old)

As for my grand mum/dad - it was love. :wub:

Normally the 55 old woman or older takes a 20 something lad. :D

#60 cooked

Posted 21 February 2012 - 05:50 PM

every nervous, randy, unsure of himself 16 years old lad should by law be seduced by a 35 year old maiden.In my opinion and thinking back



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