kamikaze, on 30 December 2011 - 11:49 AM, said:
This is no surprise to me. You can "convince" a Thai with logic or persuade them by being forceful, and they may verbally agree (to avoid conflict), but it won't change their deepest feelings and it will tear them apart if it's a major disagreement. Be careful your wife doesn't develop clinical depression or become bipolar.
You don't seem to be short of money. Have you considered moving to Thailand and putting your daughter into one of the many international schools here? Sure, they are expensive, but foreign diplomats and businessmen are putting their kids in these schools prior to university overseas. The standards are high at the best ones.
Well, you surely touch tow very important issues:
a) an international school would be a truly smart solution, but ... unfortunately - after 2 falang divorces (both from women, who made quite some career and earned at least as much as me - but they still manage to harvest the majority of my current income) - my budget restrictions do not allow for the "international school" alternative. I tried to negociate, but it didn't bring any effect to our calculations.
Thus - even after an "early retirement" - I do have to earn money (self-employed) - and this, as mentioned by some of you, would be kind-of impossible in Thailand.
A mild form of a clinical depression has already been detected by our MD and his final comment was just: "Poor guys, you're in a complete deadlock-situations", - I don't see any way out for the both of you.
At the end of the day I cannot blaim my wife for having two back-to-back plans: 1.) (as long as I live) trying to take good care of me, AND trying to SURVIVE in Europe; 2.) (after I'm gone [being considerably elder than her]) her "real" life will start ... as she will then be receiving 75% of my pension fund and get back to her huge family in the outskirts of Bangkok.
Quite some perspective and a good chance for her, to become happy in a few years from now, - but it is not at all a "happy outlook" for me.
The mutual love was reduced significantly by all those discussions, about "what is best", - which I led with a 75:25 load (brain : heart) while she discussed on a 20:80 ratio.
I guess it is most of all the endless love for our daughter, which keeps us together.
Don't get me worng: My wife has a sensational personality, a great character and all good attitudes which a wife can have,
but she underestimated the burden of a life in a Christian/capitalistic enviroment, and I was much to quick with my working hypothesis (at the time of the marriage) that in a few years we would be living in Thailand.
So the key reason, why I wrote this down, was just to be a bit of an eye-opener for those, whose fundamental decisions are still ahead of them.
frogblogger, on 31 December 2011 - 09:23 AM, said:
........... She abhorred Western methods of child-raising, the general rudeness and lack of respect of kids in Europe, and really couldn't understand the relative lack of close-knit family support structures. She was constantly commenting on the generally selfish, self-indulgent attitudes of the younger generation. Personally I've always found it easy to adapt to the Thai way of life, so I suppose relationships in my case stand a better chance of working in Thailand, than in Europe/France.
This is exactly what I experienced:
==> - ... rudeness and lack of respect of Western kids (in vast contrast to what we see in average Thai families outside of Bangkok) is driving them crazy
==> - ... they can't understand the relative lack of close-knit family [support] structures.
Their FAMILY means ALL to most of the Thai women and if they see that, in the caucasian world, relatives, at times, are not half as important as best friends, and mostly they don't even meet frequently (maybe just Xmas), then they feel abandoned and even more lonesome.
In my case, there is ZERO family left, - everybody is dead already, and I can't create a "substitute family structure" over here.