Chinese girl in love with Dutch man... Should I wait for him?
Posted 05 August 2012 - 02:43 PM
Now, I really like him, but he has left for holland. He said he really like me very much, but he is not sure about if it is love or not.
The question is, it seems that I have fallen in love with him, but he is not sure about his feeling yet. should I wait for him? I am very confused and sad now and really don't know what I should do.
Should I forget him or? God!
Posted 05 August 2012 - 04:35 PM
No need to forget him, but you should look around and meet other people too.
Posted 05 August 2012 - 06:27 PM
Posted 05 August 2012 - 09:21 PM
1. You haven't told him that you love him and he is afraid of saying it first, for fear that he will scare you away - because he does not know how you will react to it.
2. He is not ready to get married and worries that the 'L word' will quickly lead to marriage and/or make things more serious than he is prepared to be at the moment.
3. He doesn't love you...for whatever reason.
Posted 08 August 2012 - 04:17 AM
IMMORTAL, it seems that you are good at this. Nice analysis.
Posted 08 August 2012 - 05:47 AM
But this should be only occasionally, depending on circumstances.
Generally as a rule a couple should try to share the same rooms most of the time.
Posted 08 August 2012 - 05:57 AM
I'm away half the year, but it's on an equal roster 2 weeks on 2 weeks off, my wife and I find this works well. Since we married I think the worst roster we've had to deal with is 8 weeks on 3 weeks off. I think separation periods greater than 3 months at a time can test relationships to destruction, particularly if either party is overly possessive or prone to jealousy.
You need to have a great degree of trust and be reasonably relaxed, otherwise it won't work.
Best of luck!
Edited by Stocky, 08 August 2012 - 05:59 AM.
Posted 08 August 2012 - 06:31 AM
.... He said he really like me very much, but he is not sure about if it is love or not.
The question is, it seems that I have fallen in love with him, but he is not sure about his feeling yet...
If you can see from here, if he is NOT sure about the relationship, why would he asked you to spend the last night with him?? By the way you made the right choice by saying no to him.
If he is serious about you, or this relationship, he should had respected you. By knowing that traditional Asian girls (I assume you are) do not really "sleep" with guys until she is really sure about the relationship, and vise versa.
NO I don't think you should wait for him. By saying this doesn't mean you should forget him. Just let nature take its course. If he is serious about you, or when he realizes that you are the love of his life, then he will definitely come back to see you again. Otherwise, forget him and move on. Long distance relationship is not easy and a lot of sacrifices need to be made by both parties in order to make it work. Don't limit your options now. There are many good guys available in the market of 1.3 billions people.
By the way, you haven't told us much about yourself, and why and what do you Love about this guy?
Edited by ironloyalty, 08 August 2012 - 06:34 AM.
Posted 08 August 2012 - 08:53 AM
It was not an easy choice to make, starting a long distance relationship, but if your feelings for that person are very strong and you both have those same feelings then yes, it may be worth trying..
In your case i am not so sure, although time will only tell on that one. Do you have regular contact with this guy? Does he show a lot of attention to you? Has he made any plans to go back to see you? Has he said anything about the way he feels for you?
These are all important questions you need to find out...
I talk to my gf every day either on skype or Line( iphone app) plus i send her an email everyday too.. and after my first trip to meet her i planned and booked my flight back as soon as i got back home again..
I am proving to her that my feelings are real and true...
If your Dutch guy is prepared to do this then yes it would be worth waiting, but at the moment you have not given much detail on what you are both talking about, so for now i would say keep your options open, till you know for sure his intentions...
Edited by ryderman3, 08 August 2012 - 08:55 AM.
Posted 08 August 2012 - 09:41 AM
Longest time away has been 8 months. 2 years in Afghanistan and then 3 in Sudan with leave every 4 months.
As ryderman3 says it is hard on a relationship, but with a sat phone or skype I can talk to the wife and family on a daily basis.
The relationship has it's ups and downs as does any, but the time home is quality.
Look into your options and review them, balance these against your idea of how you see the relationship. Then try to do the same, looking at it from his perspective.
But above all you both need to communicate with each other.
For me absence makes the heart grow fonder, and each time I come home it is like another honeymoon.
Posted 08 August 2012 - 11:21 AM
Really, you have to be careful with these schmuck's from Europe. Most of them come to Asia with some misguided notion that Asian girls are easy cheap prey, only fit for some fun.
Posted 08 August 2012 - 11:27 AM
Posted 08 August 2012 - 11:30 AM
Posted 08 August 2012 - 01:41 PM
Conversely you have heaps of Asian women looking for gullible westerners as ATMs.
My point we can all make stereotypes - certainly not applicable to the vast majority of Asian or Westerner.
Posted 08 August 2012 - 01:50 PM
Well who's attempting to use who?
Posted 08 August 2012 - 02:22 PM
Posted 08 August 2012 - 09:13 PM
Maybe the OP could give us more info?
Posted 08 August 2012 - 10:04 PM
I would second what others have said here. The best course for you is to keep your options open. No one can read the mind of another, but if he asked you to sleep with him on the last night he was there with full knowledge he was leaving and no plans to return....my bet is you made the right call and should continue to trust your instincts.
My brother has been married to a Chinese girl for 10 years now and it is the best decision he ever made. Best of luck to you!
Posted 09 August 2012 - 05:39 AM
As for your question about why I love this guy, it is a difficult question to answer, maybe from the heart’s sound before. Now I think I don’t know him enough, the real he. Maybe he was perfect in my mind before, but after this issue and I know maybe he’s not. I am trying to get out of this relationship now and hope it’ not too late.
You’re right, there are many good guys available in the market of 1.3 billions people. And I know I will find him and meet each other someday. I still believe that there is true love. (My friends always say that I am stupid of having this belief in my mind, but I don’t care Maybe I watch too much movies).
Thank you very much, ironloyalty.
Hi Annoying Polemicist, thank you for your suggestion. I appreciate it vey much, really.
Hi Stocky, hope you a life time of happiness with your wife together. I think you are doing a great thing.
stumpy, I am jealous of you.
ryderman3, he said he like really me very very much and don't know whether it is love or not. But I think I know what I should do now. I believe that we Chinese girls are brave and clever enough. Thank you for your encourage.
Posted 09 August 2012 - 06:18 AM
Don't be jealous of me, find someone who will pamper you, look after you, be a good friend and provider.
And remember, communication is the name of the game.
Posted 09 August 2012 - 11:50 AM
Posted 09 August 2012 - 12:10 PM
Posted 09 August 2012 - 12:29 PM
Posted 09 August 2012 - 12:50 PM
Hope you like satay though.
Posted 09 August 2012 - 03:03 PM
Posted 10 August 2012 - 05:13 AM
I went home from work yesterday, and on the way, I suddenly realized that life is so beautiful and you don't know what will happen next. Believe in others sometimes can give you a nice break.
God bless you guys.
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